Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
