its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Help. Why am I so naked?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
