I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
