i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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