I just made out with a guy for $7.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
