why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
