Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
