forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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