the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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