either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
