which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
