I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
