Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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