she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
