..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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