whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
