I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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