its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
