Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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