im six kinds of drunk right now
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
