Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it hurts more in the daytime
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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