I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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