She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
