then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
