you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
