My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
