I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
