Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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