my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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