just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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