The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
