You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
