idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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