it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
