I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
