My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize