my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
