yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She needs sedatives and a leash
I AM VODKA MAN
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
