What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
