i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
