well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
