This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
