3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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