I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
