Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
sick fucks of a feather flock together
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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