you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
