Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
