I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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