Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
