I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
