Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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