i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
