My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
