and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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