I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
