WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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