addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
