the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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