apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
