dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
