This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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