Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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